


release;

by bloodynargles



Category: Destiny (Video Games)
Genre: (im not), Anyways, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Not, Post-Red War, also idk if cayde is ooc or not, and pyjama pants with chickens on em, but not really, can, cat in the pocket shirt, get his bitch ass character down, i cannot, im SOR RY but he is, im sorry, in this house we Ignore forsaken, is cayde wearing the fckin, listen all i can think about, mostly because i havent played it yet, no but cayde is totally wearing those pjs, this is cute tho, um, what am i gonna call this beautiful thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-26 23:47:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16691257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodynargles/pseuds/bloodynargles
Summary: She's only died once. Since her resurrection. There's a lingering sense of doubt about the proverb that she hears other warlocks sprouting; that wisdom only comes after death.





	release;

**Author's Note:**

> i havent updated since april how are yall doin

She's only died once. Since her resurrection. There's a lingering sense of doubt about the proverb that she hears other warlocks sprouting; that wisdom only comes after death. That the only way to learn from your mistakes was to _die_ after making them. Maybe she's always been too careful about her positioning during a strike, or her intense research into the raids that she has happened to be apart of in the past. Maybe its the fact that she _cannot_ , for the life of her, remember what she was like before she awoke. The unbridled _fear_ that perhaps that one mistake was too much, too far, - it wasn't a simple, 'I accidentally blew myself up with a rocket launcher.' Perhaps it was more than that, and no matter how _hard_ she tried to will her memories back into a state she could coherently follow, it was no use. Giving up was an eventual solution, letting go of who she once was as a guardian, it felt.. oddly relieving. The tense, pent up energies she had been carrying upon her shoulders for around a hundred years, it eased. It released. The light but distinct smell of lavender could take her mind away while she meditated, and there would be no weight to distract her from her goals.

 

The almost pity in her lover's eyes when the subject is brought up in conversation one half-slept night confuses her almost, already having made peace with her decision. “Like.. at _all_?” She's curled into his side, head up from its prior spot on his chest, she will never fully get over the _warmth_ that Exo seem to radiate during the summer months, the 'war- _machine_ ' expression that the humans who live in the city seem to tout often doesn't quite explain the way he pulls her closer to himself when winter hits, as if seeking to pull the heat from her body. “Nothing. Not a thing.” She's almost curious at his reaction, the half hearted worry in his movements to reach for her, curl his free arm around her back, fingers tracing soft circles into her stomach. The way his orbs glance away from her for a moment, as if seeking his own memories about the times before he was reset, the Cayde-3, or Cayde-5 that he once was. As if he was trying out ways to express himself before he spoke, but really the latter didn't seem too much like him. At least, _usually_.

 

“That's..” He shifts suddenly, pushing himself into a sitting position and leaving her disgruntled in his wake. “It doesn't, y'know, _bother_ you?” Blue orbs are trained on her and his question throws her a little, her mind wandering to the memories of when she'd pull her hair out trying and failing to recall what had happened, her ghost offering little help, the various years of other processes taking ahold of Astara more than the first, and _only_ , death of her guardian. “It did, once. It used to weigh my shoulders down and sting at the back of my mind at all times of the day. I would.. I would stress about not _knowing_ , not understanding how I had died because the memories were not there. It interfered with my mood, my _work_. I could not live like that any longer.” He softens as she goes on, slowly sinking back down the bed, face levelling with her own. “So.. You let it go..?” Its half a question, half an understanding statement, his head softly nodding along with his words. “I did.” Cayde seems to settle at that, head pressing back against the soft pillows beneath him, his hand pressing softly against her lower back as if to coerce her into snuggling against him once more. She relents, lips softly brushing his faceplates before sinking down to rest against his chest.

 

“I couldn't forget Cayde-3,” The smirk in his voice box is unmistakable and a smile creeps onto her lips before he even finishes his sentence. “You, that _blue_ dress, _oh,_ _Traveller_.” His left hand grips at the place on his chest where his human heart would beat, the soft material of his shirt riding up to show the slightest slither of blue underneath. Illaethea buries her burning cheeks into his chest and his warm laugh at her reaction resonates inside her own, burrowing its way into the deep crevices of her heart and making a home for itself. Oh, she _missed_ him.

**Author's Note:**

> cayde??? is that you??? or is it an ooc version of you????


End file.
